The deja, deja double days of dread
by Netta Sloan
Summary: manga as canon. A few moments out of the days following Ed's automail surgery. Follows Coming to Grips with Dependence
1. Hot tea

Edward lay as still as he could, doing his best not to aggravate the new soreness of his already sore stumps. Laying still should be an easy task, no matter the pain he was in, if only it weren't for the damned cold. He could see that the window was fast shut and the little furnace in the corner had a red glow in its window vent, but he was still abominably cold. Horribly cold, awfully cold, the worst cold he'd ever felt. Never mind numb toes, Ed didn't even know if he still had a foot. What he wouldn't give for dry hair, hot tea, and about thirty more quilts. Or maybe just Al climbing under the covers with him like it used to be before his little brother declared, "I'm too tall now and you always pull the blanket up off my feet."

And thinking of Al, where did he go? If someone would just come talk to him, maybe it would distract the ice monster from eating away at his remaining limbs. If he called out would Al come? And maybe with a warm, understanding, furry companion in tow, too? But if he called out and Al didn't come? Was his little brother still mad at him? And what if it's not Al that hears, but Winry? Or worse, Granny? He really wasn't in the mood to fight with that little old shrew and definitely didn't want any more of Winry's "therapy". No, perhaps it's best to just lay here and let the ice monster slowly devour him.

He had just completed his rambling thoughts and made his conclusion when the door slammed open, kicked too hard by whoever was coming for him. After recovering from his initial jump, he closed his eyes and opened his mouth wide, letting a little drool leak out of the corner in hopes that the intruder would buy his act.

"No such luck, Ed." He groaned inwardly at the voice and let out a convincing snore.

"I'm not buying it." His curiosity did flare at the rattle of china accompanying this last declaration, but he stuck doggedly to his plan; pushing down the quilt and pulling up his shirt until his bellybutton could just barely peep out. Edward kept his breath steady as he waited; more china rattled around beside his head.

"Ed, come on. I know you're faking. And if Al sees your belly hanging out, you know he's going to fuss."

"Isn't that what you're doing?" He asked, opening one eyes, but staying still.

"No, I brought you some hot tea."

He gave it up, rolling his head over to look at her while trying to pull the quilt back up to his chin without attracting her notice. His heart skipped a beat as her eyebrows drew together in concern.

"Are you cold?"

"No." He shook his head a little and forced his hand to go lax, leaving the blankets. He was too slow as her hand darted out. It felt cool against his forehead and he couldn't help closing his eyes and leaning into her touch.

"Liar."

"Anyone else would have bought it."

"I know." She giggled at this last and he felt a little warmer at being the cause of her mirth. "I brought something that might help."

"Tea?" Ed asked hopefully.

"Among other things. Let's sit up first."

As they labored together until he rested against the headboard, his thoughts drifted to everything Winry had done for him; to what she was doing for him. He could only stare at her as, now settled, she brought a spoon of broth up to his lips. He didn't talk while he ate and Winry was strangely quiet. He studied her in secret, alarmed at the shadows under her eyes, panicked at the redness in them. Suddenly, he wanted to see her smile again, hear her laugh, any sign of happiness.

"Did you –Mmmph"

"Don't talk, just eat."

He pretended to be grumpy while she giggled and wiped spilled broth off of his chin. It hadn't been exactly what he wanted, but Ed would gladly take a spoon shoved in his mouth to see her smile. He waited until the entire bowl was finished before he tried talking again.

"Do I….Do I have to do more….therapy….today?" He hesitated and looked down at this, afraid of her answer, afraid of his own weakness. He hoped that Al was really downstairs and not listening at the doorway again.

"Not that kind. Granny will want to test the nerves later, but she'll wait until after you take a nap."

"A nap?! But I've only been up for a couple of hours as it is." Edward did his best to fight back a yawn as he said this, knowing Winry was right about him being tired, but not liking it.

"I'll tell you what; you don't have to go to sleep if you're not sleepy. We can go over the automail a little bit."

"Does this mean the old bat is going to let me have it in two weeks?" He couldn't help the grin spreading over his face, victory!

"We've been over this. I'm not letting you have it in two weeks. Maybe your leg in six, but no sooner."

"But Winry…."

"It's not happening and I made a deal with Al not to fight about it with you anymore. Do you want for me to stay and talk to you about the automail or not?" Ed watched as she began gathering up the dishes, unsure of what to do. A deal with Al is different than a promise and he wondered what had been exchanged. She was leaving. He was on the wrong side to grab at her wrist, so he swallowed hard and choked down his pride.

"Stay…….please" Edward instantly regretted the please when she turned back with a smirk on her face.

"I was going to; just let me put the dishes away and grab my book."

_14Nov07 Author's note: Made a few changes to take into account overusage of pronouns. Added a few lines to help indicate who is speaking. Thank you._


	2. Cold embrace

Winry was taking longer than he thought she would to come back. He flexed his toes under the covers, pleading with them to stay warm. His belly was full and warm, but the effect was quickly wearing off every other part of him. His newly-installed shoulder port was especially going chilly fast, making it hurt more. To top things off his tummy was now feeling uncomfortably full and as much as he hated being carried, peeing in the bed again was worse.

"Come back, soon, Winry." Ed muttered to the air, trying to pull the blanket up one-handed around his shoulders.

He let out a sigh of relief as he saw the doorknob turn. He stifled a laugh as he saw her bob her way in, her arms full of a tea tray, a large binder, and a big fluffy blanket. It always amazed him when she stacked up so much stuff she couldn't even see where she was going, but somehow never dropped anything.

"Okay, Ed. I got some more tea since you were so cold. And another blanket, as promised. Oh and dun, dun, DUN! The Automail Book!" He laughed again as she sang out this last bit. She waited until he had finished laughing at her before she continued. "So, do you want to lie back down?"

"Actually, um, I have to go to the bathroom."

"Oh, duh, I should have thought about that. Do you want for me to call Al or do you want to hobble with me?"

Ed screwed up his face as he though about it. "I don't want for Al to feel like my personal carriage or something."

"He can always stay while we talk about automail. He may want to know about it, too."

"Okay, but hurry. It's freakin' cold in here." He regretted saying it instantly as a look of concern flashed across her face.

"I'll hurry." He was forced to wait again as she left the room. He hoped Al wouldn't mind.

Ed looked down at his lap when the door opened again. He felt shame fill him as the armor clanked around, but it couldn't be helped right now.

"Hey Brother, I'm here to help." He looked up in response to the soft greeting, gratefulness for Winry again filling him as he realized he was going to be spared from having to explain the situation. He grasped her hand as she pulled his blankets away, squeezing tightly and then dropping it when she gave him a smile.

"Thanks Al. Winry's going to go over some of the automail stuff after if you want to hear it, too."

Al turned to look at Winry for confirmation of this, which she gave with a nod. "Sure." He wasn't sure, but he thought Al sounded pleased at being asked to stay. Al's arms gently came around him and he wrapped his left hand around the big shoulder spike. The routine was already routine and Ed felt a familiar dread course through him as he was lifted. This he would never get used to, even if he didn't show it. Al, of course, noticed and let Ed have moment to settle before starting off for the door.

"If you need help call for me." Winry said to their backs, causing Ed to flush.

"Winry is so sweet, isn't she, Brother?" Al asked as soon as the door was closed. Ed was still figuring out how to read Al's moods, but would swear he was being teased.

"Easy for you to say. You didn't have to spend the morning getting tortured by her in the bathtub." He tightened his grasp on the spike as Al laughed in response. To his humiliation he needed Al to stay in the room and help him balance on the toilet. He almost wished he had hobbled with Winry instead, though that probably wouldn't be any better.

They headed back to the room, Ed's stomach a little less tight, but his limbs decidedly colder after resting against the steel that was now Al. He was pleasantly surprised and a bit apprehensive when they got back to the room and saw Winry under the covers waiting for them to get back. A chair had been pulled close to Ed's side for Al and her big book of automail was spread out in her lap.

"Hey guys. Are you ready?" Her eyes were bright with excitement and he felt a little better, seeing her smile at them.

A short argument followed between the three as Ed fought for the right to remain sitting up while going through the book. He eventually won and soon everyone was settled, Al quietly taking the chair and fussing over the blankets. Winry made him hold a cup of hot tea with his free hand and insisted on putting her sweater around his shoulders. Ed was secretly grateful for it all, even though he resisted their attempts at making him more comfortable.

That comfort soon faded as Winry opened the automail binder, the first page being a pretty accurate sketch of him in boxers. He glanced sidelong at Al who was already looking at him. Winry's smile or not, he felt a familiar dread about the conversation.


	3. Warm shoulder

Ed blushed and looked away from Al as Winry flipped through the pages of her automail book. Diagrams of his wounds, cross-sections skin flaps, and blueprints for his internal circuitry were all paged through like the non-important pages of a fairytale. Winry shifted in the bed as she finally found the section she wanted, her toes gently brushing down his leg.

"Ed, you're freezing."

"I'm fine, tell me about the automail."

"Brother, don't lie." Al's hands came back up to the bedspread, fussing again with the blankets.

"Just hang on, Al. I said I'm fine!"

"Ed, don't fuss at him, he's just trying to help. Al, take his tea before he spills it." Ed grumbled as Al plucked the cup from his hands. Why does Winry always have to be the sensible one and make him feel childish? He flinched as he felt one of her hands slide over his thigh. "Hold still!"

"Why? What are you doing?!"

"Ed!" Al's warning tone made him freeze instantly. He glared at his younger brother as Winry continued to fidget next to him. He blushed as her grip tightened on his thigh and her leg rubbed up against his. Al giggled at the redness rising in his face. When their hips met, Ed finally figured out what she was trying to do. Ever so gently an arm slid around his waist, carefully avoiding his hurt shoulder and coming to rest just below his left hip, above the stump of a leg he had left. He shifted in her embrace, loving the warmth, but not the uncomfortable feelings it left in him. Al, being always more intuitive, was standing over them, helping adjust the book, blankets, and pillows.

After a few minutes of this, during which Ed remained frozen for a variety of reasons, everyone was resettled and ready to start reading about the automail. Well, almost, ready.

"Ed, lean back." He did as she said, leaning back slowly until their hair mingled and he could feel her breath blowing ever so gently against his earlobe. He felt goose bumps break out across his skin and Winry shifted again. He felt his leg become trapped between hers, her toes massaging warmly around his ankle. "See? You're warming up already." He could hear a hint of innocent pride in her voice.

"Winry, did you draw all of these schematics?" Al broke in, anxious to get started and Ed was grateful for the distraction.

"I did some, Granny did others. There is a whole bunch of stuff here, so why don't you tell me what you want to hear first."

"Tell us about the independently spinning parts you were talking about earlier. I think you really impressed Granny with it, even if she couldn't see a reason someone would want to twist that way."

Ed was surprised to hear this and turned his head to give Winry a questioning look. The expression was fixed, but upon seeing how close she really was he turned away again, his blush coming back hotter as her fingers squeezed into his side.

"I thought it might be helpful if you have to fight or get pinned." He felt her shrug.

"It really is great, Brother. Winry has thought of everything." Ed thought her giggle sounded a little embarrassed.

"Well, anyways I was talking to Al and he thinks you guys might have to do a little fighting. So I came up with a few things that might help. You see, where the carpals are in a normal hand," she pointed to a diagram in the notebook, "I put in a separate connection port. Then there is a spin connection to another connection port. This allows the entire hand to rotate separately from the arm without tangling any of the wires…..In the elbow….." Ed fought to concentrate on what she was saying and not just the soothing sound of her voice by her ear. He felt Al take the tea cup out of his hand again, but didn't fight him. Something else was pointed out in the book and he fought to listen. "The separate connections will need a lot of machine oil to avoid gumming up, but I don't think that will be a problem. Also, the main chassis of both portions are separate and the elbow joint will act as though freely jointed which means….." He could still hear her voice, but the words had stopped making sense. It was comforting to just hear her so close. The cold in his shoulder was slipping away and her toes were almost sweaty next to his.

He could hear Al every now and then ask a question and that was nice, too. It felt good to have his friend and little brother so close. It was nice to be warm and taken care of and not have to smell vomit. Ed leaned farther into the warmth, half turning so he could bury his face into it and inhale the pleasant smell radiating off of it.

"Ed?"

"I think he's going to sleep, Winry." Ed nodded agreement against Winry's warm neck. He was definitely going to sleep. He felt her arm tighten around him and he sighed again.

"Okay, he can go to sleep, but does it have to be on me? I have work to do."

"Mmm-hmmm" He nodded again into her hair, keeping his eyes closed. Beside him, he heard Al laugh.

"Do you want me to move him?" He felt her chest rise against his side and blushed a little, but kept his head down to hide it.

"No, it's alright. Maybe more of it will sink in if he's unconscious. Just help me turn the pages, Al."


	4. Cool ice

Edward awoke aware of only two things. One, he was horribly hot. But the more pressing awareness was that he was going to hurl. There was no time to even attempt to dive for the side of the bed.

"Ew!" The exclamation of disgust beside him barely registered through his sickness as broth and digestive juices dripped from his lips.

"Ed!" He heard his name a little better, but the force of his sickness wouldn't let him respond. He felt someone pulling his hair out of his face and a small hand began rubbing soothingly on his back. Ed was bent almost double over the comforter, all of the broth and water he'd managed to swallow coming back up in front of him. He had almost managed to still his tummy, when a wave of heat rolled over him again, causing the contractions to return.

"Al! Ice! Granny!" The person rubbing his back was shouting for help, now, and embarrassment and relief swept through him. He felt the sweater around his shoulders roughly yanked down, causing a surge of cool air across his arm and neck.

Clanging footsteps, a door being thrown open, and finally the rattle of ice cubes. He felt the icy wetness drip down between his shoulder blades, the tumult in his stomach finally stopping. A few moments of quiet deep breathing, made better with a hand running through his hair and an ice cube gliding along the back of his neck. Pricks of pain in his stumps asserted themselves as the pain in his chest died down while his breathing came under control. Ed sagged and used his free hand to cover his face as he realized what had just happened.

"Ed, it's alright." The shoulder on which his head rested shifted and he fought against that movement, wanting to stay where he was and not see the mess he had made.

"Big Brother, come on. Winry needs to clean this up and Granny wants for me to bring you downstairs." A large hand fell on his good shoulder, but he kept his head down.

"Ed." Winry was so close he could feel her lips graze his ear, giving him chills that almost made him sick again as she whispered to him. "Don't make Al worry more than he already is."

Ed felt so helpless. He nodded against the shoulder and turned to his little brother. "Okay, Al. I'm ready to go." He held his arm up expectantly, hating how he imagined it looked and did his best not to squirm as Al picked him up. He heard a squish and twisted around awkwardly to see Winry climbing out of the bed. Color flooded his cheeks as he realized he had thrown up mostly in her lap. He heard Al laugh.

"Do you want me to pick you up, too?" Ed hid his face in Al's shoulder as he heard Winry laugh in response.

"No, I should be alright. I'm going to clean up in here and then go shower. Aw, Ed, it's no big deal. This isn't the first time you have thrown up on me." He twisted again, trying to give her a decent glare from his slightly humiliating position in Al's arms.

"Yeah, well, if you keep laughing I'm going to throw up on you again."

"Ed!"

"Brother! Don't threaten Winry like that, it's just gross. I'm sorry, Winry."

"Thank you, Al."

"Hey, don't apologize for me." Ed twisted around, trying to get in a last glare at Winry as Al headed out of the room. Just before the door shut he managed to squirm higher and see over the spiked shoulder. Winry was smiling at him and the glare melted off of his face at seeing her, covered in his sickness, but smiling at him like it was nothing. He felt his heart wrench painfully as the door shut in his face, cutting off his view of her.

"You really should be nicer to Winry, Ed. She's doing all of this to help us."

Ed ignored the comment, instead asking his own questions. "Why was she in there anyways? Wasn't she too busy to let me sleep on her?"

"Well, that's kind of my fault. After you passed out, she started nodding. So I took the automail book downstairs to look at by myself and let you two sleep."

Ed was at a loss for words and let the clanking of Al's footsteps on the stairs fill in for conversation. He cringed a little as the workshop door came into view. "Al, stop."

"Granny says it shouldn't hurt that much."

"It's not that. It's Winry. Um…"

"Don't worry about it, Brother. Winry understands." He felt shame fill him at Al's simple words. There were so many times he should have just listened to the people around him, especially Al. He set his jaw as the door opened in front of him and they strode in together.


	5. Rough wool

Ed drummed his fingers nervously on the exam table as Al rolled in the calibrating machine. He felt a sense of déjà vu as the hulking goliath settled in place beside his current perch. A furry paw rubbed against the bottom of his foot, causing him to jerk in reaction to the tickle.

"Den, get out of here you silly old dog." Granny chided as she sat various cords and sharp implements on a table.

"I'll get her, Granny." Al used his knees to gently nudge the dog from the room, giving Ed a thumbs up sign over his shoulder as he closed the door.

"Fool boy. He should know Den can leave all on her own." Ed watched as the old lady shook her head over her tools.

"Is Winry going to be coming in?" He didn't know why he was nervous, Granny was the best automail maker in the world as far as he was concerned, but he would still feel better if there was someone else in the room to witness his torture.

Granny looked up at him as she rolled the little table next to his bed. Seeing his glance at the tools, she threw a towel over them to make them a little less threatening. "I hadn't planned on calling her in here, but if you want I can go get her."

Ed blushed a deep pink at her words and shook his head in reply. He was bothering Winry enough and he sensed Granny just wanted to take her measurements and start working on dinner. He wondered briefly what she would cook and if he was going to be able to eat something solid this time. An image of Winry covered in chunks instead of just wet with stew flashed through his head and he berated himself at the idea of eating anything.

"Well, Ed, are you ready to get started?" He looked at Granny, who was fiddling with something by his leg. He nodded to her question and braced himself. "Let loose of that table, boy. It's not going to be that bad and I need for you to give me some answers as I'm doing this. Not like an Elric to ever shut up on his own conscience anyways."

He glared at her, "What's that 'sposed to mean?"

She cackled in his face, "Now, that's better! Alright, I'm going to do it manually first, then we'll try the machine. You let me know how this feels."

He breathed deeply, doing his best to not tense up and clutch the table again as she unscrewed something in his leg. A metal cap was placed on the table and she picked up a pointy tool with a wire coming out of the back of it. Ed couldn't help holding his breath as the end of the piece disappeared a little ways into his leg. He felt a jolt and could almost imagine he saw his big toe moving in the empty space where his foot would be.

"Don't be so quiet, up there. Tell me what it feels like."

"Sorry, Granny. It feels like my big toe is moving, pointing up at the ceiling."

"Huh…" She moved her arm and the sensation changed to a pulling in his upper thigh. "And now?"

"It feels like it's pointing down at the ground. I almost think my upper leg is flexing."

Calloused old fingertips and rough wool reached up under his boxers. He gripped the table tight as they explored. "Mmph, that's because it is flexing." The fingers withdrew and another tool was picked up.

"Is that a good thing?"

"Uh-huh." Granny grunted as another tool was inserted into his leg. She twisted this new piece and he jerked.

"Whoa!" He fought to keep his breathing even and not turn his body off of the table.

"Whoa what? Tell me how it feels." She sounded irritated so he spoke up quickly.

"It feels like I'm trying to spin around."

"Good, good, and this?" She rotated her wrist and his body relaxed.

"Like I'm flat on the ground, but my toes are spread out."

"Mmm….." Granny withdrew both instruments and the feeling was gone. He watched as she made some notes in a folder.

"So, is it good? Can I have my leg soon?"

She looked up at him, his face flushed and dark circles under his eyes. He was staring almost feverishly and she almost expected froth at his mouth. Granny didn't hesitate as she put her hands on him. He flinched as the wrinkled fingertips went back up his boxers, both sides this time, feeling the muscles in his thighs. Ed watched anxiously as her forehead creased, wanting to demand answers. The fingers withdrew and went to his torso. He felt his spirits fall as her tiny mouth turned down in a frown at whatever was found at the probing touch at his torso. He looked down as the fingers climbed up his chest and examined the bones sticking out above the muscles over his stomach. They had stuck out more before and he'd managed to keep moving. Why should it hold him back from learning to walk again?

Ed closed his eyes as the rough wool brushed roughly across his chest muscles and he found himself wishing for Winry's gentle touch. He felt the hands on him tense and he jumped as the door opened. His wish was granted as a fresh smelling Winry trounced into the room.


	6. mistaken hug

Ed shivered as Granny's hands stayed tight on his shoulders.

"Hey girl. Grab that kit and get over here. He was askin' for you earlier, so go on and do the shoulder." Ed blushed as her words sunk in and she moved back from him. Winry sat a tray of various small metal appendages beside him on the bed and another tool with a wire sticking out of it.

Ed tried to hold still as best he could while the two women got settled for the job. When Winry reached across and grabbed his left shoulder, he couldn't help but stiffen. He relaxed as he felt her other arm embrace him and raised his arm to wrap around her waist. "Ed, what are you doing?" He reddened again at her question, grateful that she had whispered in his ear and not asked it so Granny could hear.

"Helping you balance." He knew it probably wasn't the smartest response, but stuck with it anyways.

"Uh, thanks…I guess. Hold still, I've almost got it."

"Ow!" The bandages were ripped off simultaneously and Winry held them up triumphantly.

"Quit complaining, runt." Granny grinned.

"Don't be such a baby." Winry threw the bloody bandages in the wastebasket and pulled on a pair of gloves. "And hold still. If you squirm I'm going to hit the wrong thing and it will hurt." He glared at her before snorting and looking at the wall.

"Winry, if you have this I'm gonna go start dinner."

"'Kay Granny. Call us when it's ready. And tell Al if he wants to come in its okay."

"Don't let him give you too much trouble." Granny said over her shoulder as she shut the door.

"You old hag! I never cause any trouble!!" Ed roared at the closed door.

"Ed, she's gone. Settle down. Geeze. I don't know why you let everyone get to you like that."

"Shut up, you're not picked on all the time like I am!"

"Stop whining and maybe it won't happen anymore!"

"I'm not whining!" "Ow!"

"Hold still!" Ed sighed in frustration as she out-shouted him. When he realized she had a hand on his chest and one on his thigh, though, he quickly forgot losing the fight and blushed. "What's wrong?" Looking into her concerned blue eyes, he suddenly hoped that Al wouldn't want to come in.

"Nothing. Sorry. I'll hold still."

"That's better. You should do what I say more often, it would save you a lot of grief." Ed felt his anger well up and bit back his reply; choosing instead to just meet her glare-for-glare until she'd had enough and gone back to work. She did just that after a moment of glaring and he snickered, thinking he'd won after all. "Ed." He looked at her again, her eyes now softened in concern and sympathy. "This really might hurt if I hit the wrong thing, so please. Hold still."

He gaped at her, unsure of what to say and drowning in what he saw in her eyes. "Winry…" He started, but broke off, cursing himself for his weakness. Instead, squeezing her shoulder and offering a small smile. It felt wholly insufficient, but worked as she smiled back before turning to the tools. Ed swallowed hard as she carefully ran a thumb over the tool she chose and moved it towards him. He felt a wave of nausea as he watched the tip disappear under the metal rim of his shoulder.

Something connected and he jumped, sure that if a real arm had been attached he would have just slapped Winry in the face. He felt guilty at the sensation, though nothing had happened. He watched her wrist twitch and the feeling changed. It wasn't quite the same as his leg. He couldn't say what was off, but it didn't feel as particular.

"Ed, you have to tell me how it feels." Winry's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. It's just weird."

"Weird how?" He thought she sounded worried.

"Not weird bad," He quickly said, "just weird as in I didn't have an arm, now it feels like I could do something with the space an arm should be."

"Well, that's nice and all. I'm glad to know the wires are at least connected." He cringed at her sarcasm and hurried to fill in the blanks.

"It feels like I have kind of an arm. I can't make out individual finger feeling, but when you first put the metal in I thought I had…slapped you. Then when you turned it, it felt normal. Like it's just resting."

"Okay. I'm going to put in another piece; it should help you feel a more specific sensation." He tried to stay relaxed as she picked up another sharp pointy metal piece and moved it into his shoulder. He felt her breathing against his naked flesh and was slightly uncomfortable at the distraction. He felt something else connect and what was one blob attached to his shoulder now felt like two.

"It feels like now there is one limb attached to another limb attached to my shoulder. They aren't moving, though, just there."

"Good, that means that the first of the distal attachments is fully functioning." He blinked not quite sure what distal meant and taken aback at the professional tone of her voice. He could only stare as she pulled both pieces back out. Relief and loss fought in his head as the sensation of having a limb was turned off, but he fought both of them down, intrigued by this new side of his friend. He'd always known that she helped Granny quite a bit, and she'd more than impressed him so far with his automail surgery and stuff, but this sounded almost like what a grown-up would say. He studied her face as she made some notes on a clipboard, looking for other small changes he'd missed. A knock on the door startled them both and Ed blushed again.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, Winry. Granny said I could come in." 


	7. accepted touch

"No problem, Al." Ed watched as Winry's face lit up at Al's entrance.

"So, what are we doing?" He opened his mouth to answer, but Winry beat him to it.

"Testing all of the nerve connections."

"Oh." Al looked over at Ed, who did his best to hide his nervousness and give his little brother a thumbs-up sign. "No big deal?"

"Nope." Winry and Ed answered in unison.

"Do you need help?"

"Not really, but you can watch in case I do." Ed did his best to shoot a glare at her without letting Al see it. She simply sniffed in response and put down the clipboard. "Hold still, Ed. I'm going to hook up the machine now."

Ed grimaced and scowled at her as she started unlooping wires from around the big metal thing Al dragged in earlier. He watched as Al fidgeted nervously, trying to interpret the little movements the armor made into the movements Al's human body had made. Ed was determined not to treat Al any differently if it could be helped, but now there were no golden eyes to look into and see what was going on. He'd have to learn how to understand Al in this body. Ed's eyes narrowed as he watched the huge leather gauntlets squeeze each other and he reached out a left hand to Winry.

Her blue eyes met his at first in irritation, but as he stared, trying desperately to communicate to her without words, she smiled and gave him a nod. "Al, why don't you come help Ed balance while I plug these cords in."

"Sure Winry!" Ed couldn't help but notice how the hands instantly stopped wringing and his brother's voice sounded happier. He gave Winry a small smile as Al bounded over and she reached out to pat his hand before turning back to the machine.

Ed shied away a little as the rough leather of Al's gauntlet grasped his shoulder. Realizing a moment later what he was doing, he forced his body to stop and accept the contact. This was his brother, dammit. There followed an awkwardness as Winry fussed and pulled at the wiring, yanking it into position so it can be plugged in. He felt Al's fingers on his shoulder begin fidgeting and tried to think of something to say. Ed opened his mouth and then closed it a few times, his face screwed up in concentration. A group of wires was set in his lap and he looked up, eyes meeting Winry's again. She shot a quick glance up at Al, and then looked back, her eyes staring hard into his, before turning back to the machine. Ed got the message.

"So Al, do you know what Granny is making for supper?" He asked quickly, breaking the silence.

"Stew, she said something about it 'being the only way that little runt will drink any milk.'"

"What?! That midget is one to talk! I've been taller than her since I was seven!" He seethed, determined to pay her back for calling him a runt, while Al and Winry laughed. The fingers on his shoulder stopped their incessant fidgeting and he felt better at making his brother laugh. His mind spun quickly, trying to think of something else to say before the laughter faded and the tapping started again. A light touch on his thigh halted his thoughts before he had any success.

"Okay, I'm going to connect your leg. Do you remember what this machine does or do I need to explain it again?"

Ed looked up into Al's faceplate and grinned when his little brother shrugged. At least that expression is easy to understand. "No idea, haha." The two chuckled in unison at Winry's frustrated eye-rolling sigh and Ed felt a little warmer that after everything that happened, they could still share moments like this.

"You two never change. Honestly, I don't know why I even bother trying to explain anything to you. You'd think you'd have grown up a little bit. Idiots! Should I even bother telling you again?" Winry finished her tirade with hands on hip, glaring at the two of them.

Ed swallowed nervously, looking around her vicinity for any hard objects. Al had shied away from her as she yelled; apparently being immune to feeling pain has no affect on the scariness of Winry's temper. "Yeah, yeah, quit yelling. I've got a lot to remember so quit nagging, already. Machine junky." A leather hand on his shoulder stopped his tirade and Al broke in.

"We're sorry we don't remember, Winry. Would you tell us again?"

Winry looked a little less annoyed when Al asked and Ed was suddenly grateful Al had stayed in the room. If Al hadn't been there, they probably would have argued the rest of the afternoon or until he had a new lump on his head. As Winry launched into her lecture, Ed tuned her out, craning his head back he gave Al a smile. When the armor tilted to the side in response, Ed imagined he could see Al smiling back.


	8. steady hands

"…and that's what it's going to do. Got it?" Ed gulped nervously as he tuned back into Winry's lecture.

"Uh, sure. You know fire it up or whatever." He grinned apprehensively and squared his shoulders. Winry gave him a knowing glare for a minute, and then shrugged with a smirk. Grabbing the wires from his lap, she sank to her knees and began fiddling with his thigh port. He heard Al's whisper in his ear.

"Big Brother, did you hear any of that?"

"Not really, but how bad can it be. It's just a bunch of wires and gears." He could tell by the slight clinking of metal that Al was shaking his head.

"You're impossible."

"Hey! What are you two whispering about up there?!" Winry's voice rang out shrilly, causing them both to jump.

"Nothing."

"Man stuff!"

"Aw, geeze. Fine, are you ready?" Without waiting for his response she flicked a switch on the machine.

"Yeowch!!!" If Al hadn't been there to help him balance, Ed would have fallen over.

"Brother!" Leather gauntlets tightened anxiously and held the little boy upright.

"I knew you weren't listening!" Winry yelled in irritation, but concern laced her features.

Ed panted as the pain of the initial connection slowly dulled down. He was grateful for the gentle rubbing of Al's hand on his back and Winry's fingers tightly squeezing his. When he could register sight again, he found his vision fractured; water and salt crystals spinning the shining tools and tile into a kaleidiscopic whirlwind. A trail of snot leaked from his nose, making his lips sticky. He cringed at the taste and blinked the tears back from his eyes.

Ed felt Winry's fingers slip from his and he clenched his fist reflexively. A cool cloth on his neck felt divine and he peered up at her concerned face with intense golden eyes. She laughed lightly and his brows creased in irritation. The cloth was put to his lips; she wiped the snot away and his irritation was replaced with a grateful smile.

"Better?" He nodded yes at her question and Al's hands left his back. Ed turned his gaze to his brother, silently thanking him and Al nodded back. "Should I even bother explaining again?"

"No, best to just get on with it, now that the pain is over."

"But Brother! The pain isn't over!"

"Well, the worst of it is." Winry screwed her face up in contemplation as panic swept over his expression. Al fidgeted next to the table, his armor making a horrible squeaking noise.

"Al, stop that."

"Sorry." The squeaking stopped and Winry let out a sigh.

"I guess I can explain as I'm doing it. Maybe that way it will sink in?" Her voice rose in question and both brothers nodded yes.

"Okay, then. This machine hooks up kind of like my automail will. You see, if your nerves aren't being used for 2 months-"

"Two weeks!" "OW!"

"Don't interrupt, Ed! Anyways, if your nerves aren't being used then your brain has to relearn how to send signals and stuff, too. They already got used to just sitting there while you were in the wheelchair, so we need to get them back into shape, too."

"Training for the nerves?"

"Yes, Al. We-"

"OW! I didn't say anything! And why am I the only one you ever hit?!"

"Like that, the nerves in Ed's forehead are working-"

"Not for long if you keep hitting me!" "OW!"

"Ed, can't you just shut-up for 5 minutes so I can explain it to you?!"

"I didn't even say anything!"

"Just be quiet!" Al intercepted the screwdriver before Winry could hit Ed again and with his other hand quickly covered Ed's mouth before he could say anything stupid.

"There, now both of your problems are solved." Ed glared daggers, but Al just sighed in response. "So we have to train the nerves in his arm and leg to send signals to the wires because he wasn't using the nerves for the last month and they are out of practice?"

"Yes, Al, that's it exactly."

"Now, Ed, this is the important part so listen this time. You have to pretend to move your limbs. The machine will handle the rest, but you have to do some work, too. I also need for you to keep telling me what you think you're moving. I know it's hard to imagine moving a limb that isn't really there, but automail is different for every person."

Ed nodded yes, Al's hand staying glued to the front of his face. He watched a little apprehensively as Winry turned some knobs on the machine, a vague sense of déjà vu making his face screw up in thought. He pushed Al's hand away, giving his little brother a smile so he wouldn't be hurt.

"Winry?" She looked over and Ed couldn't help but notice how blue her eyes were. He filed the thought away, to think about later, when he was alone. "Didn't you and Granny do this before? When you were getting ready to do the surgery?"

"I'm surprised you remember. Yeah, we did it before, but that was to see if all of the nerves were still working. We had to cut back on a few of them…" Her voice trailed off as his face turned slightly green and Al shrank back. "It's not important. Ready?"

He didn't feel ready, but he nodded yes, anyways and held his breath as she flipped a big shiny switch.


	9. bloody lips

Ed had braced himself, expecting pain, but all he felt was a slight tingling. He blinked a few times, waiting for it to kick in. Al loomed over his shoulder, but Ed wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean. Ed's face tilted in question as Winry picked up her notebook.

"I thought it was supposed to hurt."

"It still might. Everyone is different."

The next 45 minutes were spent moving an imaginary leg and reporting how everything felt. Sometimes Winry would ask more questions and Ed would have to struggle for answers. Every now and then she'd adjust the wires or take a reading off of the machine. Al began his nervous hand wringing as the session dragged on. Ed had not counted on feeling so tired doing this, he wasn't even moving any real muscles, but his strength was being zapped. The constant tingling overlaid sometimes with jolts of pain as he pictured his leg moving caused him to twitch and jump on the table, awakening every sore muscle and joint in his abused body. Throughout it all, he kept his eyes shut, left hand clenching the table so hard his knuckles hurt.

"Ed, stop."

He licked his lips and tasted blood as he paused. "I can keep going. No problem." Ed clenched his hand harder, trying to keep it from shaking. He heard metal on metal squeaking and Al spoke up.

"Brother, I really think you should listen to Winry. You're bleeding."

"What?"

_Dammit._ Ed wanted to hit Al for pointing that out. He sighed as the big metal switch was clicked, the tingling in his leg finally subsiding. Winry had a wet cloth at his lips before he had a chance to protest. He looked down at his stump of a leg, helplessness washing over him and he had to blink back tears.

"Al," Winry called. The armor clanked as it looked down at her, but Ed's head stayed bowed. "Would you go see how dinner is coming along and maybe bring back some drinks?"

Al hesitated and Ed could only cringe, hoping he'll leave and hoping he'll stay. _Dammit. _"Sure, Winry."

The footsteps clanged out of the room and the door softly shut. Ed looked up finally as Winry's face came into view, she bent down so she could see into his eyes.

"Ed," She squeezed his hand and a tear sliped out of one eye. "It's okay." He felt her fingers on his cheek, wiping away his shame. "Do you want to wait and do your shoulder later?" He took a deep breath before shaking his head no. "Do you want for me to ask Al to stay out?" Ed pulled his hand from her grasp and covered his face, sniffling hard. He nodded yes. "Okay." He listened as she lightly walked away, closing the door again behind her. Ed took a moment and just breathed, trying to gain back his composure. He rubbed at his leg connection, trying to ease the ache that had formed there.

When the door opened again a few minutes later he looked up into Winry's smiling face. "Granny set Al to chopping vegetables. He had forgotten all about bringing us drinks." He snorted as she giggled and sat a tray down on the table beside him.

"So, we're going to do the shoulder next?"

"Yeah, but first I want a break. Granny said not to eat too much; dinner will be waiting on us whenever we finish up in here."

Ed nodded, his hand already wrapped around a cookie and shoving it in his mouth. It was annoying only having one hand to eat with, but much better than having someone spoon feed him. Winry sat beside him and quietly nibbled on her own cookie, seeming lost in thought. He watched her out of the corner of his eye, curious as to what she was thinking, but too afraid to ask. Together they silently ate the whole plate of snacks.

After the last bits of cookies were swallowed and all of the juice was gone Winry turned to him. "Are you ready to do your shoulder or do you want to just sit for a little while longer?"

Ed wasn't sure how to respond. He looked into her eyes, trying to find some clue to what was going to happen next. He smiled and raised his left hand; brushing the last crumbs of the cookie from her lips. He felt like crying again as her expression turned to confusion, demanding answers from him, now. "You..." He started hoarsely before stopping to clear his throat. "I'm ready."


	10. Bad shock

Edward tensed as Winry inserted the wires into his arm. He breathed deep, trying his best to control his fear and apprehension for what was to come. Winry, for her part, stayed silent, giving him the time and feigned ignorance he needed to deal with the trauma. His heartbeat grew louder in his ears as each individual connection was snapped into the port. He could see the wires snaking out of his shoulder out of the corner of his eye and he followed each new established trail to the menacing machine. He couldn't feel Winry's fingertips on his shoulder, the struggle to swallow buckets of spit taking precedence in his mind. Sweat ran in rivulets down his face, sides, back, even a trail dripping into his bellybutton. Winry at last sat back, satisfied with her connections and he shut his eyes tight.

He waited. Nothing happened. No tingle of connection, no jolt, not even any sweetly whispered instructions. He opened one eye, unable to take the waiting and silence. At first he didn't see Winry, so he opened both eyes, head turning to scan the room for her. There she was, in the corner, a basin of water in her hands. He tilted his head, trying to see what she was looking at when she turned. "Oh, sorry."

"Why?"

"For making you wait. I should have said something."

"'S'okay. What were you doing over there, anyways?"

She gestured to the bowl and came back to his side again. Very delicately her hands wrung a cloth in the bowl and he felt like he was reliving the days when he'd first lost his limbs again. She tenderly pressed the cloth to the back of his neck, his muscles instantly going slack at her touch. As she was busy rubbing his back he chanced another glance in the corner to see what had preoccupied her before. The light glinted on a framed photograph of her parents and his face instantly filled with sadness. Ed closed his eyes as the cloth was dragged over his forehead and wondered if he should say anything to her.

"Feel better?" A slight splashing sound was heard as she dropped the towel.

He opened his eyes at her cheery tone, forgetting to find anything to say. "Yeah, thanks."

"Okay, then. Let's do this. Same thing as your leg, got it?" He nodded in reply and braced himself as she flipped the switch.

The initial tingle wasn't that bad and he quickly set his mind to going over the task of training his nerves. Some responded exactly how he felt they should, but others caused Winry to shake her head and make little notes. The session wore on and Ed, already drained began to sway a little in his seat. If Winry noticed, she didn't stop, pushing ahead with her questions and demands. When she asked him to flap his arm like a chicken, horrible pain shot across his chest and the world blew up in white.

The first thing he became aware of was Winry's voice, shrilly screaming for Al and Granny. The next thing he knew was that he was lying painfully on his side, the hardness of the table digging into the newly installed metal of his shoulder and causing his skin to be roughly pushed. A rough cloth scrubbed at his lips and large, not-quite-right, hands were rubbing his back. A wave of nausea passed through him and he threw up again, or at least assuming from the sickness under the table he thought it was again. An I.V. being driven into his arm barely registered as he coughed harshly, his chest on fire.

"Al, take him upstairs. Winry grab the mop. Where's that chart, girl?!" He heard what he thought was Granny yelling out commands, but before he could make too much sense of it, he was lifted.

"Hold on, Big Brother. I'm going to take you to bed." Ed was relieved to hear Al's voice and he finally succumbed to the darkness, letting Al take care of him.

When he woke up the room was dark. His left hand was wrapped in leather and there was a weight on his lap. His chest ached abominably, drowning out all of his other complaints.

"What happened?"

"Brother?! You had a bad reaction or something. It made you sick, so I brought you upstairs. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Al, I'm fine. Just a little sore. Did Granny save me some food?" Ed pulled his hand away from Al's; not noticing the little twitch the armor made, and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"I can go ask, but are you sure you should eat? Granny gave you an I.V."

"Ed…is he awake?" A sleepy voice interrupted before he could answer and Winry sat up, relieving the weight on his lap.

"Yeah, Winry, I'm awake. I'm hungry."

He heard her yawn and climb out of the bed. "Okay."

The armor clanked. "Wait, Winry. I'll go get it. You stay and tell Brother what happened."

Al left before either of them could protest, closing the door on his way out. Ed waited for Winry to finish lighting the lamp by the bed before he turned to her for answers. She looked at him, her eyes blinking in the light, and he patted the bed beside him. She smiled as she climbed back up and he waited until she was settled.

"So, what happened?"

"Oh, one of your nerve connections misfired. You were probably pushing too hard. No big deal."

His eyes nearly popped out of his skull as she sleepily put a fist in her eyes. "No big deal!? Winry I passed out!"

"And threw up again, don't forget about that part."

"Okay! And threw up!"

He glared ineffectually at her as she yawned.

"So, this is going to be a usual occurrence?"

"Probably, but I imagine that was a light one. No big deal. Granny told you that you'd go through hell."

He shakily lay back against the pillows, his tummy no longer grumbling. He jumped when Winry curled up next to him, her head finding it's way into his lap again. "So what happens next?"

"What do you mean?" His eyebrow twitched in annoyance at the sleepiness in her voice.

"I mean, now what happens."

"Well, tomorrow morning I'll help you in the bath again. Remember the stretches. Then a nap, and then in the afternoon we do the nerves some more."

"Won't I just pass out again tomorrow?"

"And throw up, don't forget that."

He grumbled as she began to snore slightly and stared at the door, waiting for Al to come back.


	11. golden hair

His patience had almost reached its limit when the door opened and Al came back into the room, a tray of food clutched in his hands. The two boys were quietly awkward as seats were taken and food was swallowed. When the last of the stew had been slurped up, Al put the dirty dishes on the floor. Ed stared at the armor, his curiosity flaring, but his fear failing. After a few minutes of twitching and averted glances, Al broke the silence.

"She went back to sleep, huh?"

Ed smiled and lightly caressed the golden tresses in his lap. His fingers faltered when he realized Al couldn't feel them anymore and he shoved his hand under the covers. "Yeah. She should really get in her own bed. Her neck's going to get sore sleeping like that."

Al let out a soft laugh and Ed was reminded of warm nights at home with the lamps turned down low, when it was just the two of them and a pile of musty books. "You should have seen where I found her last night. She had wrench marks in her cheek for the better part of an hour after I woke her up."

Ed laughed in response and nudged her shoulder. "Winry, Winry…"

"What?" Both boys laughed again at her grumpy tone.

"You need to go get in bed."

"Yeah, you're going to have marks on your face again." Al threw in for good measure.

Both boys snickered as she slid from the bed. A glimpse of her panties caused Ed to turn red and Al turned his snickering to his brother. "M'okay. Goodnight guys."

They erupted into full fledged laughter as she stumbled into the door, hitting her head, kicked it, fumbled the door open, and shut it behind her. A heavy silence fell over the room again as the laughter died down. Ed was acutely aware of how little he'd been alone with Al since the failed transmutation. He almost wished Winry would come back, or that Granny would come in and yell at him to go to sleep. He felt a little ashamed as Al broke the silence again with the shake of a box.

"Want to play some checkers?"

"Sure." Ed felt the shaky start of a routine as the pieces were placed on the board.

"Black or white?"

"Black."

"Brother, you always play black."

"So?"

"Nothing."

They played quietly, Ed steadily losing. To his humiliation, a bathroom break was called after the first game and Al had to help again. By the second game Ed was yawning regularly, but determined to win. Ed glared at Al every time the armor dared to laugh and they both ended up chuckling together. Ed did his best to keep his eyes wide open, but as the third game was being lost, he began nodding; leaning back against the pillows. He felt Al gently take a piece out of his hand and woke up just enough to argue.

"I don't have to sleep, yet, Al."

"I know you don't Brother, but its okay if you do." Ed cringed at the pacifying tone, one that was sure to both make him angry and guilty if he could just wake up enough to respond.

"Un, don't wanna. No be lonely…" Ed faded out; the world gone as sleep finally overwhelmed him.

His dreams were turbulent, full of weird sounds and images. He saw his mother, blaming herself for ever giving birth to a failure of a son. He saw Winry, crying in a pool of blood. The worst of all, though, was when he saw Al in a bed, limbs missing and upon looking down, his hands were the gauntlets. He woke up crying once or twice, wracked with guilt and sobs. Each frenzied awakening causing him to renew his promise, to swear it to every star in the sky, to every drop of blood in his father's study. Until there were no more nightmares, just exhausted darkness and he was able to rest.

Sunshine on his eyelids awoke him in the morning. Ed thought he was dreaming again as Winry glowed in the light, leaning over him. "Ready Ed?"

He grinned at Al and nodded.

_14/12/07 Author's note: Thank you everyone for reading this story and encouraging me to keep going with the series. _


End file.
